MUSINGS: These Broken Pieces...

“Take my life, and let it be

Consecrated, Lord, to Thee…”

The words of this hymn meant something different to me. “God must be so lucky to have me on His team,” I often thought to myself. 

I really believed I was this very mature, God-loving, well put together Christian that God was immensely proud of. The pride in my heart was great, so great that I saw myself as being a ‘spiritual giant’ and everyone else an infant. I thought I was “more than” the rest of them because of the milestones in my faith I considered “spiritual achievements.” How wrong I was!

As you may have guessed, this is the most lowly I have felt all my life. The last of the things I had built my identity on has been destroyed and swept away. I have been struggling with what I considered the most basic spiritual disciplines. My Bible reading has been on hold for a little over a month now, and the language of my prayer is now sighs. I no longer see myself as a spiritual giant, much less anyone God would want on His team.

I am constantly faced with the true extent of my depravity, and it is way more than I would like to admit. There’s nothing inherently good about myself; I too am a broken human being in need of God’s saving grace just as much as everyone else. God has made it abundantly clear that He did not choose me because I was “more than” everyone else; I am just as depraved as they.

I can no longer pride myself in my “spiritual achievements”, for now I see that all I may have “accomplished” was by God’s grace. It was His grace that found me and saved me. It is His grace that has made me who I am.

As comforting as that sounds, I still find myself in despair over the realization that I really am nothing. Everything that I have I have received from God. Everything that I have “accomplished” is really God’s gift to me.

If, indeed, all is from God; why then would I boast as if it was all my doing? Why take credit for what God has given freely? Why do we take pride in such things as riches, fame, might, influence, academic prowess, professional excellence and thriving relationships with friends or family?

And even when it comes to God, can we really claim to be “better than” simply because we are christians? Can we really claim any part in our own salvation? If even salvation is a gift from God, can we really boast about anything? What have we that we have not received?

Is it not God who brings death and makes alive…who brings down to the grave and raises up…who sends poverty and wealth…who humbles and exalts? Is He not the One who brings princes to naught, reducing the princes of this world to nothing? Do not the foundations of the world belong to Him?

No one likes to feel so small… I know I don’t. The thought of being so little, insignificant, low, weak, and powerless frightens me. But when I look into Scripture I discover that that is exactly who I am when compared to God’s surpassing greatness.

I truly am weak and frail–my glory is as the grass and the flowers of the field, here today and gone tomorrow. 

I truly am small…if the nations are as a drop in a bucket or as dust in the scales, how much less one human being? 

I truly am insignificant…if the nations are regarded by Him as worthless and less than nothing, how much less a grasshopper such as myself?

God, on the other hand–

He’s so strong and mighty. He has held the dust of the earth in a basket, and has weighed the mountains on a scale and the hills on a balance.

He’s so BIG–He has measured the waters in the hollow of His hand, and with the breadth of His hand marked off the heavens.

He’s so prominent–in the desert, a highway is made straight for Him. The valleys are raised up, the mountains and hills brought low, the rough ground made level and the rugged places a plain. Talk about an air of importance!

He is GLORIOUS! He sits enthroned above the circle of the earth, stretching out the heavens like a canopy, spreading them out like a tent to live in.

Mind-blowing, isn’t it? Elon Musk’s glory pales in comparison. The world’s smartest and most accomplished of men don’t even come close. Man’s highest glory is nothing compared to God’s surpassing greatness. All the accolades acquired, the legacies built, the trophies won…all crumble into dust and are quickly forgotten. Man’s greatest achievements may very well be naught. Utterly meaningless.

Why, then, do we work so hard? Why do we chase these dreams and give our whole lives to the pursuit of achievements? If it’s to make “something” out of our “nothingness,” then perhaps we need to reconsider the math. If we truly are nothing, it would be pointless to make everything be about trying to be something, don’t you think?

Whilst we don’t have the power to make something out of nothing, God, on the other hand, is everything. His fullness fills everything in every way. It is only His glory that can make us truly glorious…only His greatness that can make us truly great…only because He has chosen to love us that we are significant.

That said, none of who we are or what we have is of ourselves… All is of Him, for Him, through Him, and to Him. It is all about our God. Our nothingness is the perfect platform for Him to display His “everythingness,” and our emptiness the perfect place for His fullness to be displayed.

Oh, that we would lay down our desire to glory in our achievements and pursue these dreams for ourselves. Wouldn’t it be better for our glory to be in something far better and glorious than all the earthly satisfaction we’d get if we got everything we strive so hard to get? Wouldn’t we be more fulfilled–more at ease?

I don’t know about you, but I think my life’s mission will be to have God, and with Him, everything else. May my glory be in God alone. May my boast be in Him. May my joy be made complete in Him. I am no more at the centre–God is!

My importance, my identity, my significance (or lack thereof)–all of it is found in God. He is the source of my honor. He is the reason for my worth. I am nothing in and of myself. I have no true worth, strength, or purpose apart from God. He is my EVERYTHING—my glory is God!

Now I think to myself, “I am so lucky to be on God’s team.” When I think of all He has done for me, the grace and love He has shown me, I am completely undone. What did I do to deserve such kindness from One so great and holy? What shall I return to the LORD for all His goodness to me?

I will offer Him my life–all of it. My moments and my days, my hands and my feet, my voice and my lips, my silver and my gold, my intellect, my will, my heart, my love, even this weakness that plagues me–I will give it all.

"May this emptiness cause me to seek fulfilment in You. May these broken pieces amount to something. May this broken vessel be for the display of Your splendour. On You have I set my hope. My glory is You!"

(Imagery inspired by snapshots from Isaiah 40 :))