Growing Together in Christ

The year was 2022. It was the first I toyed—really toyed — with that question. What if He doesn’t? Up until then, I had never grappled with tough questions in my faith. I bet I wasn’t even aware that it was okay to have them. I had been taught and reminded countless times to believe in God for all that He is and can do. I had learnt to push aside the what-ifs , labelling them ‘seeds of doubt’. I never once paused to consider the possibility that sometimes… He just might not. And if that happened—what then? *** The date was 27 th March. Sunday afternoon. I had just 5 days left until the end of my KCSE examinations. I was seated under a tree in Jevanjee while the rest of the school was having lunch on the other side. I was trying to prepare a sermon for the Bible study fellowship later that evening, but nothing was forthcoming. It was then that the questions crept in and refused to go away. What if He doesn’t? What if He says no? What if He takes everything away? I was forc...

Wednesday 19 th November 2025, 0852hrs… I couldn’t help but stop and reflect on God’s goodness to me in the season that has been. He has truly satisfied me. He has truly made me glad. It’s why I cannot help but write this ballad. I cannot help but cry out in praise. I cannot but bow down in worship before my King. ******* You showed me the wonders of Your love in a somewhat unlikely location — a city under siege. Even when I cried out in despair and thought that You had deserted me, You heard my cry for help. When my life was marked by such deep anguish and the sorrow within me threatened to consume me, even then You saw my affliction. You knew the anguish of my soul. When my strength failed and my bones grew weak because of my desperation, You lifted me out of the depths and set my feet in a spacious place. In a time of great affliction, I have learnt of Your goodness. In a time of deep sorrow, I have experienced such profound joy. I have seen Your goodness, Lord. I tes...

I begin with a quote: “To whom do you vocalize the most intense, irrational, inarticulate anger? Would you do so with someone who could fire you out of a cherished position or relationship? Not likely. You don’t trust them – you don’t believe they would endure the depths of your disappointment, confusion, doubt… The person who hears your lament and far more bears your lament against them, paradoxically, is someone you deeply, wildly trust… the language of lament is oddly the shadow side of faith.’’ ~ Dan Allender I’ve been a little hesitant about sharing these next journal entries as they are because it felt like there was no point to them. No hope beyond the sighs. No joy beyond the sorrow. No light beyond the shadows. I thought that maybe my faith would be seen as weak and unsteady. But once again, the psalmists reminded me that I can rightfully bring to God whatever I feel. That I need not paper over my failures or try to clean up my own rottenness. They too wrestled with God over e...

Wednesday 19th March 2025, 2218hrs… Something struck me during my Bible reading this morning in 2 Corinthians: 6:10 ~ (after a rather long list of hardships) " sorrowful, yet always rejoicing ; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." 7:4 ~ " I have spoken to you with great frankness; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds." 8:2 ~ " In the midst of a very severe trial , their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity." This was pretty confusing at first. How could one rejoice, yet be full of sorrow? How could joy overflow in the midst of a very severe trial? How could one’s joy be boundless amid so many troubles? Have I perhaps been viewing this the wrong way? I’ve been running from sorrow, trials, trouble, and hardship of any kind. I’ve always thought that these were the greatest enemies to the joy I desired to have. How could they...

Tuesday 4th March 2025, 1635hrs... "Then He broke through and transformed all my wailing into a whirling dance of ecstatic praise! He has torn the veil and lifted from me the sad heaviness of mourning. He wrapped me in the glory-garments of gladness. How could I be silent when it’s time to praise You? Now my heart sings out, bursting with joy – a bliss inside that keeps me singing, ‘I can never thank You enough!’’’ Just finished a praise and dance session in my room right now. How my heart overflows with joy! How my soul leaps with gladness! I don’t know how You do it Lord -  how You make beauty from ashes; rekindle my heart to love You and joy in You like a little child; infuse me with divine strength, lift the weight of sadness, and fill me with such unspeakable joy! I don’t know how You do it Lord... but my heart is grateful. I’m so in awe of You Jesus. Let me live that I may praise You. Let me live that I may worship You. Let me live that I may love and serve Yo...

Friday 28th February 2025, 0553hrs... "This is the day the LORD has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." I’ve been trying to choose joy; God knows I have. To rejoice as Scripture commands. To choose to be glad and actually stick to that plan. But why is it so hard? Why does it feel impossible? Why has the darkness and enveloped me so? It feels like I'm caught in a net - entangled in a web of sadness. Each time I try to crawl out, something trips me, and I fall right back in. I want to be joyful; God knows how much I need it. I genuinely love those moments I’m beside myself with joy – when life feels light and full of color. But why does the joy dissipate so quickly? Three days ago I was over the top with such ecstasy. Now I am as one who is lifeless. Why is it so hard, Lord? Why is joy so out of reach? All of life’s worries and uncertainties have plagued my poor heart and mind, and I can't help but sink deeper and deeper into this abyss. For what more...

It’s hard to tell when the darkness began caving in... when the cloud of sadness descended on me and enveloped the little gladness I thought I had. One moment I was beside myself with joy. Next thing I know, all had turned bleak. The sorrow cared little that my name is Joy. In any case, it seemed to make mockery of me: How can joy be sad? Twice I have been asked to speak on Joy to different class fellowships, and if I’m honest I was a little hesitant to heed the call. Joy doesn’t exactly come naturally for me. My personality leans melancholic: thoughtful, deep in feeling and prone to introspection. This past year, I have wrestled with the tension between my name and my personality. This piece (and the ones to come) is my attempt to live in that space honestly – where the call to rejoice meets the ache of real emotion. I must admit - it’s a little scary sitting behind my pen after such a long time and exposing myself like this. All my pieces in times past have been written on my be...

TO THE KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS, A TRIBUTE ❤ (The King is in the room…  🤲🏼) Rejoice greatly, Daughter Zion! Shout, Daughter Jerusalem! Good News of Great Joy I bring you! See, your King is come! The Savior of all mankind Is in fact an infant  A babe wrapped in swaddling clothes And lying in a manger. Who is this King you say Who is this King? A man of suffering, familiar with pain A man of sorrows, acquainted with grief He hath no form nor comeliness that we should behold Him No beauty or majesty   that we should desire Him. A lamb oppressed and afflicted Despised and rejected of men And we esteemed Him not!                                                                                           ...

It's officially my 5th Birthday here 🥺♥️. I must admit that this has been quite an eventful journey. Perhaps because of the many milestones so far I've always felt like a child with many years of experience 😅, or an adult trapped in a child's body.  Recently in my walk with God, however,  I'm getting back to that proper child-like space 🥺. Beholding Him anew in all His splendour and majesty has me feeling so small...a tiny creature in the presence of such a great and awesome God. I'm realizing now that even if given a lifetime of walking with God and searching the Scriptures to know Him more, I can never really fully fathom Him. There will always be more to be sought out, so I can never really claim to have known ALL  of Him. It was perplexing at first, but now it's awe-inspiring. Every day I get to behold Him in a different light, and to bow in worship and adoration of Him. My God is infinitely vast; His understanding is unsearchable. So no, I...

                                      🪷🪷🪷 A little girl is seated on the floor of a tiny room; head bowed, scarf drenched in tears and her eyes worn out from all the crying. This tiny room was somewhat special to her. It was there that she got to talk with the One she loved. It was there that she spent hours on end reading the Book. This wasn't just any other Book. The One she loved had Himself written to her a love letter in the pages of that Book. It was through reading that Book that she got to know of His great love and gave herself entirely to Him.  Now the Book lay on the floor beside her, some pages falling out because of the tantrum she threw while wallowing in her distress. This was meant to be her happy place, but her heart was grieving. She couldn't get herself to utter any words. She was too afraid to look around, too ashamed to look past her misery and upon the One she lov...

🌸 Colossians 3:16 NIV Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly   as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom,  and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.  🌸 A while ago, the following question was asked at church:  What is dwelling richly in you?   Is it:  A. The Word,  or  B. The things of the world? We've made it look like we can have both options, yet the two cannot " live " together. The Word unapologetically repels what is of this world (Ref. 1John 1:15-17 )...so what makes us think that we can have a little bit of both? It's meant to be either one or the other, and that's just what it is 🤧. Christ calls us to " Abide "   in Him, and He in us. This means that we're to literally live in Him, and to allow His person (the Word) to live in us. Realize that most of what we do is pay random visits either routinely or every time need arises. For some, we do so early in the morning be...